The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
