wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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