i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
