I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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