I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
