I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
