5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
