you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
