i already hear my dad disowning me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize
