I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
