please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
