if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
