Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i already hear my dad disowning me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
