I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
