I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
