I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
