worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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