You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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