You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
