Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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