I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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