As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
