I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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