i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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