And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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