You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
