my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
