He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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