Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
