Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
