Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
