I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
