Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
