Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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