My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
