I want to walk on stilts...naked
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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