During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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