watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
