My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
time to smoke my breakfast
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
