i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
