Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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