Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
