he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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