My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
