On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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