this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
