Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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