My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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