I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
