is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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