My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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