bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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