dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
