it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
